Ah Chris, Say It Isn't So

Local boy makes headlines in today's Washington Post (1/16/10):

Starwood Says Hilton Chief Knew Employees Were Spying

But spying is such a loaded word.  Perhaps what we should really say is:

Chris Nassetta Swipes Info;  Poor Geeky Women Yelled "Why?"

Ignorance is Bliss

Today's Post reveals skeptics (11/25/09):

Fewer Americans Believe in Global Warming, Poll Shows

But who cares about polls when you've got an Oscar to back you up:

Will We Honor Al Gore's Warning?  Be Amicable – See VP's Film

Read all about it in The Washington Post

No Christ in "Catholic"

The Catholic Church continues to make headlines (11/12/09):

Catholic Church Gives DC Ultimatum

Well here's a news flash for the church:

Mimic Christ?  Ha!  Cad Cult Cut Love – Ugh

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Conservative Anglicans Have All the Fun

News from the Vatican in today's Post (11/10/09):

Plans Will Not Affect Church Celibacy Rules

Which begets the question:

Why Can't Priests Frolic?  Calculable Lech Fun!

Read all about it in The Washington Post

More Talk of Sharks After GOP Sweep Elections

Post reporters swear this headline is more than just a comment on today's political environment (11/04/09):

Great Whites Near Shore More Often Than Believed

Or to put it in technical terms:

Great Whites Have No Ire; Lose Teeth on Men, Barf Red

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Who Needs a Stimulus Package?

Good news for some retailers (11/03/09):

Bullets are Speeding Faster out of Gun Shops in U.S.

You say that rosy economic picture doesn't help you?

Life of Stress?  Shut-Up, Get a Gun, and Rob SE Soup Line

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Britain's Foremost Authority on Marijuana Takes the High Road

News in the UK isn't all that different (11/02/09):

Government Drug Advisers Resign Over Nation's Marijuana Policy

Perhaps the policies hit a little close to home:

Studies Reveal a Juvie on Pot Remains a Virgin Moron; Gangs Cry, "Darn!"

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Scraping Bottom in Search of an Honest Candidate

Looks like many juicy headlines soon to come in The Washington Post:

Bad News for Democrats in Revelation of Ethics Probes

For advice on how to handle them, check the blogosphere:

So Few Politicians are Honest, Dr. Deb Votes for Crab-Men

Read all about it in The Washington Post

BP Corrects Its Safety Hazards...Not

Headlines report a crackdown on the oil industry (10/31/09):

OSHA Hits BP with Record Fine

Internal company memos say it somewhat differently:

Botched Repair Now Fish Sh*t

Read all about it in The Washington Post

What Would Jesus Do?

And now some news from the religious left (10/30/09):

Pastors Unite to Support Same-Sex Marriage in DC

Just how did this come about?

Re:  A Pact's Pretext - Must Praise God; Amour Is No Sin

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Time Flies

Airlines making headlines again (10/27/09):

2 Pilots Say They Were Distracted by Laptops:

Also causing a buzz on the internet:

2 Twitters: They Dally;

Oops!  Crap, Passed It.  Bye.

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Not Just Another Washington Cover Up

In DC, folks are uptight over more than just healthcare, wars, & the economy (10/26/09):

Man Disputes Indecent Exposure Charge

And what does the rest of the world think about this?

Nudes Expect Deep Shrugs -- Not in America!

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Government Takeover Gone Awry

DC again makes the front page of The Washington Post (10/23/09):

Government Widens Control Over Paychecks

Or to say it another way:

AIG's Nervy Perks Concern DC; "Love to Own Them!"

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Pray, Not Another Catholic Conspiracy

News from the right (10/20/09):

Catholic Church to Allow Ordination of Married Former Anglican Priests

Begets pleas from the left:

Foil an Archaic Liar!  Install No More Nuts from the Right!  (Or We Drop CCD) - Ciao

Read all about it in The Examiner

New Use for Old Drug

And now from the Post, some good news for aging liberals (10/20/09):

U.S. Eases Stance on Medical Marijuana

And why?

AMA Manual:  Joints Cure Diseases, Acne

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Sad Day for Liberals and Polar Bears

Bad news for the environment in today's Post (10/20/09):

Shell Wins Federal Approval to Drill for Oil Off Alaska Coast

What the Post meant to say was:

To Save Alaska's Wildlife, Call Off Plans to Drill!  (Horror of EPA)

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Foolish Spending

Is it just a slow news day in Washington? (10/19/09):

Frugality Falling Out of Fashion?

Or are Post reporters simply watering down the facts?:

Fools Hitting Iffy Gala Run Afoul

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Related stories:

A Youthful Fool's Tingling Affair

Guilty Fools Again Lift for Fun - Ha!

It's Nuts to Lighten Up on Agribusiness

Environmental concerns make headlines in the Sunday LA Times (10/18/09):

Scientists Object to Federal Order on Pesticide Testing

But there is an upside to our slacker government policies:

Recent Job Tests Indicate Poison Gets Rid of Red Testicle

Read all about it in the LA Times

Pigging Out is Symptomatic

More news in the Post on the flu pandemic (10/17/09):

Swine Flu Characteristics Becoming More Evident

 For more specific information, read on:

Tail?  Corn Cob Fetish?  Urges in Sewer?  MD, Vaccine Time

Read all about it in The Washington Post

Durbin Scores for Crack Heads

Senators and drugs always make for good news (10/16/09):

Bill Targets Sentencing Rules For Crack and Powder Cocaine

And now you can read all about it on twitter:

Durbin Twitter:  "Prefer Lone Gang Scene - Crack, Occasional LSD"

Read all about it in The Washington Post