Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sarah Tells All

The New York Times reports the latest on former governor Palin (9/29/09):
Sarah Palin Is "Going Rogue" With Early Release of Memoir
For a sneak peak inside the new book, unscramble the headline:
A Leerier Mayor, Palin Airs Flings With A. Gore, Huge Moose

Monday, September 28, 2009

Run Roman, Run!

AP Headlines speculate director's future (9/27/09):
Polanski Arrest Could be His Path to Freedom
Now read what's really in store for the fugitive director:
Sir Romeo Bails! Stop That Fun Old Pecker-Head!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Lutherans Come Out for Jesus

A headline from the Post (9/25/09):
Decision on Gay Clergy Shakes Unity of Lutheran Denomination
prompts a message from above:
Yo Lutherans! God Doesn't Care if Anyone's Gay! Incite Union!
-- H. Milk

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Busy Day for G-20

A blase headline from today's Post (9/23/09):
For G-20 Summit, Old Issues Give Way to New
Perhaps a different headline would be more compelling:
20 Dimwits Forge Mess, Avow Lying, Oust EU

Take the Money and Run

The Washington Post picked up this headline from the AP (9/23/09):
UBS to Tell Americans If They Are on IRS List
If you find yourself on that list, unscramble the headline for additional advice:
Use Cash to Flee to Israel - Library Mints Tin



Other places to which one might flee: Iran, Malta, Syria, and Tibet

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Drill Baby, Drill...or I'll Blow You to Smithereens

Here's what The Washington Post is reporting today (9/22/09):
Obama Missile Decision May Smooth US-Russia Arms Talk
And here's the story that went unreported until now:
US ID's Bush's Secret Mission - "Oil...Or My Ammo Aims at Alaska!"

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Giving the GOP a Taste of its Own Medicine

Here's what The Washington Post wrote (9/19/09):
Right-Wing Activists Find Cause For Cheer
But here's what the liberal media is really hoping for:
Right Whiners Cut-Off -- Given Sadistic Care

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Health Care Wizard

Today's Washington Post offers hope for health care reform (9/17/09):
Baucus Measure Would Expand Care Without Adding to Deficit
Just how's it going to happen? The secret is hidden within the headline:
A Deluded Baucus to Fix Insurance with Magic - We Dared Opt Out

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Buggy Trade War

The New York Times tries to downplay US-Chinese tensions (9/15/09):
China Says Tire Spat Shouldn't Hurt US Ties
While the headline within the headline spins a very different story:
US Spurns Asia:  "TTYL Insects!  Hit the Road, Hu!"




Monday, September 14, 2009

Foot-in-Mouth Fault

The Chicago Tribune reports crazy happenings in tennis (9/14/09):
Serena Williams' US Open Title Defense Ends with Bizarre Loss to Kim Clijsters
To top it off, check out the strange confession concealed within the headline:
"Foot Didn't Pass Line; 'Twas in Mouth!" Cries Serena.  Tells Sis, "Jeez, I...Well, I'm Berserk!"



Kudos to the Tribune for coming up with such a wordy (and sneaky) headline!

Friday, September 11, 2009

School Snacks

Here's the dope from today's New York Times (9/11/09):
Sickened by Brownies, but It Wasn't Food Poisoning
But is it really just a sly way of pushing for similar reforms in NY:
Wise Weed's Big in Ca. -- Snobby Kids on Pot Out in Front

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Underwear Fetish

This headline from The Washington Post was just too hard to pass up (9/9/09):
Panty Thief Pleads Guilty to Burglary
Sound outrageous?  The more likely headline would be:
Guy Tips a Teen Girl to Fully Pad Thy Bra

Note:  This headline may contain other latent messages not fit for younger audiences.  Obviously, we're not going to print them here, though don't be surprised if your subconscious mind goes ahead and rearranges the letters into something along the lines of:  Guy Pads Lift-Up Bra to _ _ _  thy Teen Girl.  Hmmm.




Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Military Considers Fat Recruits

Even the local news is dubious.  Check out this headline from the Loudoun Times Mirror (9/9/09):
Study:  75% of Youth Unfit for Military Service
Of course, there's always another angle to any story:
Vets:  You Try it if Your Fat Child is 75% More Fun

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Message from the President

The Post appears to defend Obama's speech to school kids (9/8/09):
President Seeks to Avoid Politics in Speech to Schools
The unscrambled headline, however, boasts a somewhat different message:
Pres Copies Polish Vote -- 
Insists Cool Kids Need to Cheat

Monday, September 7, 2009

Living (Room) in the Fast Lane

NY traffic accident makes headlines in the Sunday Post (9/6/09):
Car Crashes Through Second Floor of House
But was it really an accident?  Or the spark of a growing anti-antique furniture conspiracy:
Rush Hour Legend Shafts Ochre Rococo Sofa 

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Corporations Take Steps to Address Global Warming

Another sensational headline from The Washington Post (9/4/09):
Emissions Linked to End of 2,000-Year Arctic Trend
And the real headline it isn't allowed to print:
2,000 N.A. CEOs Atone for Dirty Sins - Drink Melted Ice

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Crazy Southern Geezers

Pretty bizarre stuff in today's Post headlines:
Ga. Man Accused of Slapping Crying Child at Store
But the unscrambled version is even more bizarre:
A Dancing Old Git on PCP Screams, "Shut Ya' Face, Girl!"

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Catholic Auto Workers Unite

Here's an interesting headline from today's Post (9/2/09):
Wuerl Ups Opposition To Gay Marriage
Oddly enough, this can also be written to read:
Priest Gropes A Loin At UAW Opium Orgy

Curious...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Mad Cow

Unscramble this headline from The Washington Post (9/1/09):
Livestock Drug Found in One-Third of Cocaine
to reveal the story within the story:
DC Nun Vouched for Calf Snorting OD Kit  
E-I-E-I-O

Also worth noting:  if 90% of our paper currency is tainted with Cocaine (see 8/19 headline), and one-third of the Cocaine supply is tainted with livestock drugs, that means roughly 30% of our bills are laced with vet meds.  Maybe we should just stop paying for healthcare and start consuming our own cash.


Here's the video version of the August 19th headline anagram: